Just when you thought it was safe......


I will never be able to look at a hamster the same again…thanks to my son…


  1. Avoid dark alleys that smell like wood chips.
  2. Stay away from tiny exercise wheels.
  3. Never cover your entire body in Cheez-Whiz, then roll around in sunflower seeds.
  4. Do not play “Cher’s Greatest Hits” on your boom box. This music has been known to make gerbils turn evil, and may have a similar effect on hamsters.
  5. Always carry ten to twelve angry cats with you wherever you go.
  6. Don’t act like a nut. Hamsters enjoy the taste of nuts, and your actions might make them hungry. Also, please refrain from “going bananas”.
  7. Hamsters generally don’t like the smell of dog poop. So, as a precaution, it’s probably a good idea to roll around in dog poop as often as possible.
  8. Do not dress entirely in red clothing. You might be mistaken for a giant apple, which most hamsters consider to be a delicious treat. Instead, whenever possible, dress up like a giant plate of sauerkraut (which many hamsters find unappetizing).
  9. If you are attacked by a hamster, curl up into a ball and lie motionless on the ground. Most hamsters don’t live past the age of three, so be patient. Chances are you will outlive them.
  10. If a hamster is chasing you, climb up a tree and hang onto one of the branches. But be forewarned: if the hamster waves at you, DO NOT WAVE BACK (it’s an old hamster trick which might make you fall out of the tree). 11) Hamsters are afraid of lions, so it might be a good idea to cover your body with steak sauce and lock yourself in a cage with extremely hungry lions.