You might be a REDNECK...

Some folks make bar-b-que of their venison…this guy makes venison of his bar-b-que…

I’m guessing He really wasn’t all that hungry or the food just wasn’t all that good…jmo…jim

Redneck Computer Terms…

“Hard drive” – Trying to climb a steep, muddy hill with 3 flat tires and pulling a trailer load of fertilizer.

“Keyboard” – 1. Place to hang your truck keys.
2. Whare you’re supposed to put da keys so da wife can find 'em. (from NetDummy Humor)

“Window” – Place in the truck to hang your guns.

“Floppy” – When you run out of Polygrip.

“Modem” – 1. How you got rid of your dandelions.
2. What you did to da hay fields last July. (from NetDummy Humor)

“ROM” – Delicious when you mix it with coca cola.

“Byte” – First word in a kiss-off phrase.

“Reboot” – What you do when the first pair gets covered with barnyard stuff.

“Network” – Activity meant to provide bait for your trot line.

“Mouse” – 1. Fuzzy, soft thing you stuff in your beer bottle in order to get a free case.
2. What leaves those little turds in da cupboard.

“LAN” – To borrow as in, “Hey Delbert! LAN me yore truck.”

“Cursor” – What some guys do when they are mad at their wife and/or girlfriend.

“Bit” – A wager as in, “I bit you can’t spit that watermelon seed across the porch longways.”

“Digital Control” – What yore fingers do on the TV remote.

“Packet” – What you do to a suitcase or Wal-Mart bag before a trip.
The following were contributed by MRieser198.

“Tab” – The amount of money you owe the bartender out of your next paycheck.

“Space bar” – Where aliens and astronauts go when they are thirsty.
The following were contributed by JKing86134.

“Backspace” – The place in back of front seat of the car where you keep a case of beer.

“Alt” – Form of verb “be” like, “I alt be gone now.”

The 911 Call

Emily Sue passed away and Bubba called 911.
The 911 operator told Bubba that she would send someone out right away. “Where do you live?” asked the operator.
Bubba replied, “At the end of Eucalyptus Drive.”
The operator asked, “Can you spell that for me?”
There was a long pause and finally Bubba said, “How 'bout if I drag her over to Oak Street, and you pick her up there?”
Submitted by Sparky R. Avant Jr.

The Redneck Love Poem

Collards is green, my dog’s name is Blue
And I’m so lucky to have a sweet thang like you.
Yore hair is like corn silk a-flapping in the breeze.
Softer than Blue’s and without all them fleas.
You move like the bass, which excite me in May.
You ain’t got no scales but I luv you anyway.
Yo’re as satisfy’n as okry jist a-fry’n in the pan.
Yo’re as fragrant as “snuff” right out of the can.
You have some’a yore teeth, for which I am proud;
I hold my head high when we’re in a crowd.
On special occasions, when you shave under yore arms,
Well, I’m in hawg heaven, and awed by yore charms.
Still them fellers at work, they all want to know,
What I did to deserve such a purdy, young doe.
Like a good roll of duct tape, yo’re there fer yore man,
To patch up life’s troubles and fix what you can.
Yo’re as cute as a junebug a-buzzin’ overhead.
You ain’t mean like those far ants I found in my bed.
Cut from the best cloth like a plaid flannel shirt,
You spark up my life more than a fresh load of dirt.
When you hold me real tight like a padded gunrack,
My life is complete; Ain’t nuttin’ I lack.
Yore complexion, it’s perfection, like the best vinyl sidin’.
Despite all the years, yore age, it keeps hidin’.
Me ‘n’ you’s like a Moon Pie with a RC cold drank,
We go together like a skunk goes with stank.
Some men, they buy chocolate for Valentine’s Day;
They git it at Wal-Mart, it’s romantic that way.
Some men git roses on that special day
From the cooler at Kroger. That’s impressive," I say.
Some men buy fine diamonds from a flea market booth.
“Diamonds are forever,” they explain, suave and couth.
But for this man, honey, these won’t do.
Cause yor’e too special, you sweet thang you.
I got you a gift, without taste nor odor,
More useful than diamonds…IT’S A NEW TROLL’N MOTOR!!
Submitted by FishermanQT.

Personal Hygiene for Rednecks…

  1. Unlike clothes and shoes, a toothbrush should never be a hand-me-down item.
  2. If you have to vacuum the bed, it’s time to change the sheets.
  3. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one’s OWN truck keys.
  4. Plucking unwanted nose hair is time-consuming work. A cigarette lighter and a small tolerance for pain can accomplish the same goal and save hours.Note: Its a good idea to keep a bucket of water handy when using this method.Submitted by Rene Schweitzer.
  5. Going without underwear is NOT an option. (from Redneck Ferret)
  6. Dab a little perfume here and there. (from Tweetheart86chic)
  7. Once every month take the kids out to the back yard so pa can hose them down. (from Tweetheart86chic)
  8. Both of your socks should always be the same color, or they should at least both be fairly dark. (from OrlandotheAxe98)
    *]Remeber, the cleanest kid goes in the tub first. (from TSimonreid)

You might be a RedNeck cowboy if