I’d been working in the yard all day and I was all hot and sweaty—so I thunk I’d get a shower.
Started to take off my yard shorts and—where’s my phone?? I can’t find my phone.
Let me see, now, where did I have it last? Now there’s a really stupid question.
I didn’t see it in my office so I so I went downstairs to see if I left it in my truck—nope!..it wasn’t there.
**So I went inside and got the cordless phone and called me, but I didn’t answer…couldn’t hear the phone. Nowhere in the house—on the 1st floor, at least. **
I went outside and listened in my truck and in the van, but the phone didn’t ring in there.
You know what…I was putting gravel behind that rock wall a few hours ago—I’ll bet it fell out of my pocket when I sat on the wall to rest. Called me again and listened really close to the gravel “Hello–hello,” I said into the gravel—(the neighbors watched for a minute and went inside).
I was walking around the side of the house toward the garage when I heard a voice in my receiver—
“Hello?”, I said…
“Hello?”, said my wife on the phone. “Who’s this?”
**“It’s me” I said. (I know–it’s bad grammar.) “I’m outside trying to find my phone.” **
“Your phone is on your desk!”
“How do you know that?”
“I’m talking to you on it…”
“Well, damn! No wonder I can’t hear it ring with you talking on it all the time. Sheeeeesh!”
“Just get in here and get your phone.”
“Come up the stairs—“
(Deep inhale—long sighhhhhhh…)** “We only have one set of stairs going to our offices!”**
“Goody! That should make it easier to find. I know what…why don’t you lay the phone on the floor at the top of the stairs?”
“Cuz I can call me and hear it ringing.”
(Very exasperated…)** “Just get up here—NOW!”**
I went upstairs into my wife’s office—she took a moment from her busy schedule to talk with me…
“How did you know the phone was in my office,” I asked?
“ Don’t you remember—you had just been texting your granddaughter…?”
**“Well, you had been on your phone just before you went to get your shower.” **
**“Well, I was texting—I wasn’t talking on it…”
“Go get your shower.”
I had to walk from my wife’s office into my office which goes to our bedroom in order to get into our bathroom.
My phone rang—I stared at it for a while and it quit. My wife came in and asked, “Why didn’t you answer that?”
“Because it’s probably some guy who lost is phone and is looking for it.”
“He wouldn’t call your phone trying to find his…”
“Why not? It worked for me.”
The phone rang again. I said I have to tell him this isn’t his phone, I guess.
“Hello—is this Home Sweet Home Inspections?”
“Yes it is.”
“I’d like to schedule an inspection,” said a female voice.
She gave an address in a neighborhood with very large houses. “Is that a very large house,” I asked?
“Yes—5260 square feet—not including the fully finished basement. The basement is 2600 square feet.”
“WOW! I’ll bet that is going to cost a lot to inspect.”
She said, “Well, according to your website…”
“Are you alright,” she asked?
“Well, my leg hurts—arthritis, you know.”
“Can you climb stairs?”
“Well, this house has 4 stairways to the 2nd floor, and 2 more to the basement.”
“You know,” she said, “I think I’ll call someone else.”
“OK. Tell him ‘Hello’ for me…and let me know when you want your house inspected.”
**BOY!!! It sure feels good after a loooong, cold shower…**on a hot day.
**Where’s my phone–is that my phone ringing? **