Only to a home inspector, this happens...

Was doing an inspection, this morning. Was in the crawlspace looking at some stupid stuff (the usual “I can’t beleive these people were stupid enough to do this” junk) and contimplating how I was going to get my Khackis clean.

My phone rang. This is a partial transcript:

Me: Decker Home Services. How can we help you?

Them: (female voice, intermittant) Hi der! It’s me! You are a hard man to get a hold of.

Me: Hello? Yes?

Them: (still, with occasional break up. Sprint doesn’t doo well in deep crawls) Hello? Boy, does your cell phone provider suck! You ought to switch to Sprint, like we have.

Me: Hello? You’re breaking up. I’m in a crawlspace. Can I call you back?

Them: I alr…alled Sa… (pause) …sn’t that w…ul. J… … me … xited!

Me: Can I call you bac?. I’m sorry, but I am currently in a crawlspace, doing an inspection.

Them: Well, fer Gosh Sakes!!! How Rude. I thoug. … … … …ppy!

Me: I am very sorry, but my cell phone is breaking up. Could I call you back in about 20 minutes.

Them: Well! If you … be … alone, Grandfather!

Me: Whaaaa? (I have no grandchildren. 3 daughers, aged 15, 19 and 32.)

THEN! It dawned on me. The voice sounder like my oldest, Eloise. The lilt in the voice was present when she was happy and/or mischeious.)

Me: Eloise?

Eloise: I SAID, F*** YOU, Grandfather!

I got out of that crawl, emitting Chrishenkov Radiation! (The phenomenon that occurs when an atomic particle is traveling faster than light travels, in the same medium. But that’s not important, right now.)

Me: Eloise! Is that you? What did you say? I was in a freakin’ cralwspace!

Eloise: (very calm, cool voice. Speaking all growed up.) I said, hello, grandfather.

I completely lost it. The clients (and the poor Realtor, who was stepping in for the client’s Realtor, who was sick) though I had seen a rat or something! I asked their indulgence for 2 minutes and talked to my eldest daughter.

She, and her husband, John, have been “trying” for some time (although she never told me). About 4 days after they bought this expensive “fertility monitor” she caught. Go figure :wink: .

Long story short, I will be a Grandfather sometime in February.

Guess I better start growing up, eh? :shock:

I believe a congrats is in order…I think!

LOL, nice story Will. Congratulations.

My only, transendental question, the only one I cry out to G-d for. The only one what wracks my very soul and causes me to question the very existence of reality, meaning and life.


Can a truely loving G-d be that perverse? :shock:

Congratulations Grandpa!

Hillarious story- congrats Will!

Co-&tu$#%ions Frm Ca$5da# !!

Will I’m confused, is she happy or sad. I guess you need to be ready for that type of response for the the rest of the year and then some.

Carrying a cell phone into the crawlspace is good for emergencies but the other calls can wait, IMHO.

Oh, and, congratulations to your daughter and husband. :smiley:

Cong…ti…ns!! Be… . gran…ther can b… gr…t.

Sorry, I’m in a cra…p…ce

Congrats Wiliam!

She was just frustrated with the bad connection.

Or so she said. Hmmmmm :shock:

Congrats. Kepp us posted on if it’s a boy or girl. And by the way you really should get Sprint LOL.

Hey! Congrats Will!!!

This time next year the “crawl” space will be in YOUR den :slight_smile: Congrats!!!

Congratulations, my first just turned 15 months and if you are anything like her grandparents you better start working twice as hard to makeup for the amount you will be spending on him/her.

As a side note let your daughter know that Babies R Us was typically cheaper than walmart/target and such on apple to apple comparisons and the sooner she creates a registry the better coupons come sooner we because we had furniture on the registry for so long that we received a 50% off a furniture purchase we got all our furniture 600 not on clearance just with the good coupon all wood beautiful stain. Also if you want to know a super phenomenal no smell except when you change it diaper pale pm me and i’ll let you know the brand. It works so well we have it in the kitchen by the garbage can since we change most diapers on the first floor. I’ll stop know because I could go on and on with recommendations for products that have worked great for us and not worked I could go on for awhile.


Bradley Schumacher

P.S. My dad’s theory is that you are officially old when your kids have kids no denying it.

Trust me

Hit the sell it again shops and yard sales – the life of kid stuff is like 6 months or less.

I have a low mileage bike (New) the grand child outgrew that Grandma just had to buy for him last year.

New Kids books are another joke - get them used

Pants - shirts - shoes etc. are best used - kid does not know

The amout of $'s saved will probably pay for his or her first car

Our third is on the way in Setember in The Republic of China - boy

Oh – my insurance salesman said kids will break $20,000 worth of things before they are 18 yrs of age. Grand kids are on schedule - They are visiting us as we speak

Mine did more

Congrats Bill


Congrats Will, I know you will have loads of fun as a Grandpa.