Was doing an inspection, this morning. Was in the crawlspace looking at some stupid stuff (the usual “I can’t beleive these people were stupid enough to do this” junk) and contimplating how I was going to get my Khackis clean.
My phone rang. This is a partial transcript:
Me: Decker Home Services. How can we help you?
Them: (female voice, intermittant) Hi der! It’s me! You are a hard man to get a hold of.
Me: Hello? Yes?
Them: (still, with occasional break up. Sprint doesn’t doo well in deep crawls) Hello? Boy, does your cell phone provider suck! You ought to switch to Sprint, like we have.
Me: Hello? You’re breaking up. I’m in a crawlspace. Can I call you back?
Them: I alr…alled Sa… (pause) …sn’t that w…ul. J… … me … xited!
Me: Can I call you bac?. I’m sorry, but I am currently in a crawlspace, doing an inspection.
Them: Well, fer Gosh Sakes!!! How Rude. I thoug. … … … …ppy!
Me: I am very sorry, but my cell phone is breaking up. Could I call you back in about 20 minutes.
Them: Well! If you … be … alone, Grandfather!
Me: Whaaaa? (I have no grandchildren. 3 daughers, aged 15, 19 and 32.)
THEN! It dawned on me. The voice sounder like my oldest, Eloise. The lilt in the voice was present when she was happy and/or mischeious.)
Eloise: I SAID, F*** YOU, Grandfather!
I got out of that crawl, emitting Chrishenkov Radiation! (The phenomenon that occurs when an atomic particle is traveling faster than light travels, in the same medium. But that’s not important, right now.)
Me: Eloise! Is that you? What did you say? I was in a freakin’ cralwspace!
Eloise: (very calm, cool voice. Speaking all growed up.) I said, hello, grandfather.
I completely lost it. The clients (and the poor Realtor, who was stepping in for the client’s Realtor, who was sick) though I had seen a rat or something! I asked their indulgence for 2 minutes and talked to my eldest daughter.
She, and her husband, John, have been “trying” for some time (although she never told me). About 4 days after they bought this expensive “fertility monitor” she caught. Go figure .
Long story short, I will be a Grandfather sometime in February.
Guess I better start growing up, eh? :shock: