Why? Why do they call?

Had an inspection, last week. 2,200 SF older frame house, out past the airport (Bensenville). It was an obvious flip. Good visuals, but what about “under the hood”?

So. Vinyl siding, but i lifted a portion up and, sure enough, 1/4" rigid foam “insulation” underneath and vinyl replacement flange windows with no flashing.

Also, direct vent water heater and furnace with no combustion air intakes run.

Explained to the buyer and wrote it up.

Today, I got a call from the seller’s agent.

He: We need some clarification on a couple of items in the report.

Me: Why are you calling me?

He: What was the problem with the windows?

Me: They had no flashing.

He: What’s flashing? What’s wrong with them?

Me: Tell your client to hire a window guy who actually knows how to install windows, you know, like according to the manufacturer’s instructions.

He: Well, how do we fix them.

Me: Take off the siding and properly install the windows.

He: How? What has to be done?

Me: Look on the Pella web site and follow the instructions.

Me: What needs to be done.

Me: Why are you calling me?

He: About the water heater and furnace. The guy said they are electronic and don’t need the other vent.

Me: The water heater and furnace are both “direct vent”, and the manufacturer’s instructions say they must have combustion air vents.

He: How do we fix them? I really need this deal to go through.

Me: Have a qualified contractor re-install them according to the manufacturer’s instructions.

He: We don’t have thos instructions.

Me: They are sitting in the pile of garbage on the floor of the basement, right next to the furnace and water heater.

He: How do we do that.

Me: First of all, learn to read. Secondly, hire a qualified contractor. Why are you calling me?

He: Well, you certainly are rude! I have never hand a home inspector talk to me like that!!! I may have to report you.

Me: Why are you calling me?

He: What has to be fixed.

Me: Do you have my report?

He: Yes. That’s how I got your number. But I need to know what has to be fixed.

Me: Read the report. It explains everything.

He: But what has to be done. What needs to be fixed?

Me: Step one: Hire a licensed and insured and professional window guy, preferably factory certified by Pella. Step two: Have him fix the windows. Step three: Do the same with the water heater and furnace. Repeate as necessary.

He: You don’t seem to undertstand. We need to know how to fix the issues you called out.

Me: Why did you call me?

He: I just told you, we need to know how to fix the items you called out. We are due to close next week and have to have these items fixed.

Me: Then hire some people who are licensed and qualified to do the work. Have them read the instructions, although they probably already know how, and have them fix the issues.

He: And how would they do that?

Me: Please, exactly why did you call me?

He: So you can tell us how to fix the problems you called out.

Me: That’s not my job.

He: Well then, whose is it?

Me: Your client, the seller.

He: But you called them out. He just flipped the house. Why is it his responsibility?


He: You don’t have to yell. OK. Just tell me what we have to do to fix this.

Me: I have to go now. May you be well.

He: Well, if you want to take that attitude. I must say, you are doing a very poor job of working for your client.

Me: (I only though it) * I can hardly wait until I get approved for concealed carry*.

He: Hello, are you still there?

Me: I am hanging up now.

He: Wait. Don’t hang up. Just tell me what we have to do to fix the problems with the house.


He: Well, if that’st the way you want to be, good-bye, Sir! (click)

Pretty much summed up my day.

And now, back to my drink.

Sounds like “Who’s on first”?

This was, as close as I can remember, pretty much how it went.


Welcome to the know it all club! at least free advice. LOL

When people are this incompetent just have fun…

The windows, all that needs to be done is to remove the surrounding siding and install fubreezee channel hardware at the perimeter and then nail it in every 17.4 millimeters with a number 72 nail with a Phillips hex head and cross tipped toe driver… (just make all kinds of crap words and phrases up).

Next just take the vents and install a hydroponic episode catalystic vent, they sells those at Lowes for about $12 and ask for them by name they are super hard to find without help. The directions are in the package and it should only take about 10 minutes to install.

I know this sounds confusing and if you don’t understand I am sorry and consider just calling the proper guys to repair it, they will know what to do…

That would be fun…I may try it…

LOL… pretty good stuff Will.

Alright… After reading this, I need a beer.

lol Will I have to say I love your stories.

Will, you get the best clients!

You are just freakin’ evil. And you are my new hero.

But you forgot to mention the framenhammer and the jiggle valve. These are simply essential to the proper operation of direct vented gas fired appliances. :mrgreen:

This was not my client, this was the seller’s agent.

The client was fine, a single woman in her mid 40s or so.

and that is another story.

The client and her agent and myself got to talking and the subject of drinking came up. She asked what I liked to drink and I said that I like burbon and coke, specifically Jim Beam and coke. I then replated a recepit that I developed at my first NACHI convention in Florida.

Take a pint of Jim Beam, preferably the 100 proof, but the 80 proof will also work, and a 20 oz plastic bottle of coke. Place them both in the freezer for about 4 - 5 hours.

Get a Big Gulp cup from 7 Eleven and fill it half full with ice.

Pour the Beam over the ice. It will be below freezing but will not freeze because of the alcohol.

Then, very carefully, open the coke and pour it over the ice. Because of the physics of liquids under high pressure, the coke will start to freeze when you pour it out. You have to open the bottle and pour very quickly. as it pours, it will partially freeze.

There you have it, a Jim Beam and Coke Slushee!

The client really enjoyed that, for some reason, more so than I thought she should.

When the inspection was done and she filled out the paperwork, she handd me her card. She worked for Beam and was V.P in charge of product innovation. She told me that she would have them make a bottle neck hanger card, filled out with my recepit, as a promotion.

So look for that on bottles of Jim Beam, and have a cold one on me.

I always forget those and those are optional in Florida because of the stenohypothesis affect on the system

Ok, then. You are forgiven. Unions require them, up here, though.

Reminds me of one of my first jobs at a store. The day I started the owner asked me to go to the back of the store and bring him back a shelf stretcher, he said I could not miss it. I go back and look for this thing that does not exist. Walking back up front confused wanting more clarification he was laughing his a** off.

A shelf stretcher…really…

How about KY lubricant for the forklift. LOL

Ages ago, in high school, I worked in a grocery store. We used to send the newbies looking for a bag stretcher. Every department knew it and sent them to another department to find it.

Sky hooks are tough to find as well!

How about a bucket of propwash to paint the last post!



Aw Doug, you beat me to the “skyhook”.

Don’t forgot the bucket of steam, to sanitize.

When I was building, I would send the new helper to the truck for the box of toe nails.