Had an inspection, last week. 2,200 SF older frame house, out past the airport (Bensenville). It was an obvious flip. Good visuals, but what about “under the hood”?
So. Vinyl siding, but i lifted a portion up and, sure enough, 1/4" rigid foam “insulation” underneath and vinyl replacement flange windows with no flashing.
Also, direct vent water heater and furnace with no combustion air intakes run.
Explained to the buyer and wrote it up.
Today, I got a call from the seller’s agent.
He: We need some clarification on a couple of items in the report.
Me: Why are you calling me?
He: What was the problem with the windows?
Me: They had no flashing.
He: What’s flashing? What’s wrong with them?
Me: Tell your client to hire a window guy who actually knows how to install windows, you know, like according to the manufacturer’s instructions.
He: Well, how do we fix them.
Me: Take off the siding and properly install the windows.
He: How? What has to be done?
Me: Look on the Pella web site and follow the instructions.
Me: What needs to be done.
Me: Why are you calling me?
He: About the water heater and furnace. The guy said they are electronic and don’t need the other vent.
Me: The water heater and furnace are both “direct vent”, and the manufacturer’s instructions say they must have combustion air vents.
He: How do we fix them? I really need this deal to go through.
Me: Have a qualified contractor re-install them according to the manufacturer’s instructions.
He: We don’t have thos instructions.
Me: They are sitting in the pile of garbage on the floor of the basement, right next to the furnace and water heater.
He: How do we do that.
Me: First of all, learn to read. Secondly, hire a qualified contractor. Why are you calling me?
He: Well, you certainly are rude! I have never hand a home inspector talk to me like that!!! I may have to report you.
Me: Why are you calling me?
He: What has to be fixed.
Me: Do you have my report?
He: Yes. That’s how I got your number. But I need to know what has to be fixed.
Me: Read the report. It explains everything.
He: But what has to be done. What needs to be fixed?
Me: Step one: Hire a licensed and insured and professional window guy, preferably factory certified by Pella. Step two: Have him fix the windows. Step three: Do the same with the water heater and furnace. Repeate as necessary.
He: You don’t seem to undertstand. We need to know how to fix the issues you called out.
Me: Why did you call me?
He: I just told you, we need to know how to fix the items you called out. We are due to close next week and have to have these items fixed.
Me: Then hire some people who are licensed and qualified to do the work. Have them read the instructions, although they probably already know how, and have them fix the issues.
He: And how would they do that?
Me: Please, exactly why did you call me?
He: So you can tell us how to fix the problems you called out.
Me: That’s not my job.
He: Well then, whose is it?
Me: Your client, the seller.
He: But you called them out. He just flipped the house. Why is it his responsibility?
Me: BECAUSE HE IS TRYING TO SELL THE HOUSE!!! WHY DID YOU CALL ME!!!
He: You don’t have to yell. OK. Just tell me what we have to do to fix this.
Me: I have to go now. May you be well.
He: Well, if you want to take that attitude. I must say, you are doing a very poor job of working for your client.
Me: (I only though it) * I can hardly wait until I get approved for concealed carry*.
He: Hello, are you still there?
Me: I am hanging up now.
He: Wait. Don’t hang up. Just tell me what we have to do to fix the problems with the house.
Me: OK. HIRE SOMEONE WHO KNOWS HOW! I DON"T WORK FOR YOU, YOU IDIOT!
He: Well, if that’st the way you want to be, good-bye, Sir! (click)
Pretty much summed up my day.
And now, back to my drink.