You Must Admit This Is Funny

**The Mother of ALL Home Inspections!!! **

All right. Buckle your seat belts! With the arguably litigious society in which we live, I’m sure this will be a post for you to keep and perhaps share with your fellow professionals. I, for one, will never forget the lesson I learned today. Today’s home inspection will forever change the way I look at home inspectors and the way that their extensive training can help us to gain a perspective that every real estate professional seems to lack.
I arrived a few moments early for my buyer’s inspection. (In Colorado, inspectors have no way of getting into the home unless an agent is there to give entry). Within minutes, I noticed a banana yellow Pinto, (vintage of course), pull up to the curb in front of the property. The door magnet on the car read, “We Inspect Em’ Till You Reject Em!” It had a scowling smiley face logo as the dot on the exclamation point. I had a feeling this was going to be a long day.
As the door of the vehicle swung open, I heard what I thought was “walkie-talkie” conversation coming from the inside. That’s when I noticed the eight foot long ham radio antenna extending from the roof of the inspector’s vehicle with the scowling smiley face antenna topper to match his logo. As my buyer pulled up to join us, I remember thinking, “How can that antenna possibly stand up? It’s taller than the inspector would be if he were standing on top of the car?”
Anyway, we made introductions as the distracted inspector proceeded to open his trunk and pull out extensive equipment. He hunched on a black flack jacket that contained all sorts of tools and testers with blinking lights and curious instrument covers.I’m estimating it’s weight was somewhere in the proximity of 20-30lbs. After that, he strapped on the LARGEST tool belt that I had ever seen and began randomly, “drawing” flash lights and laser instruments and testing them for battery charge. It was a sight to be seen. Then came the hard hat, non-latex powdered gloves, protective goggles…did I mention the thousand candle helmet light? (I know it was a thousand candle because he said, “yep, this baby shines a thousand candle into the blackest hole you want to face…”).
I opened the door and tried to let him know that I would be sitting at the kitchen table, but he turned to my buyer and said, “Shhhh. I think I detect and In-ful-tra-tor on these premises…” My buyer said, “No, it’s Lania, she was just saying…” “SHHHHHHHHH!! Now let me tell YOU something Sunny Jim…YOU are MY client. Not this, this…real estate person. I don’t see em’. I don’t hear em’. And I don’t take referrals from em’. DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?”
My puzzled buyer looked at me and shrugged. I was concerned to say the least, but you have to be careful now adays. My buyer had chosen this inspector from the yellow book because I was afraid to recommend someone specifically. I didn’t want my buyer or anyone else to think I would steer someone to a home inspector. I just acted like it was silly behaviour and rolled my eyes. I took my place at the kitchen table. THEN IT ALL BEGAN.
The inspector addressed the buyer. “Prior to your arrival, I secured the perimeter of the premises and did a preliminary inspection of the exterior components to determine which check points would be in need of further examination upon your arrival.” My buyer looked puzzled. “After which, I have determined that a limited assessment of said exterior components warranted further investigation by a qualified roofing contractor, a qualified siding contractor, a qualified pest specialist and a qualified structural engineer. It probably wouldn’t be a bad idea to have the grade looked at by a landscape contractor, but I’ll just make a note about that and you can decide weather that would be a maintenance item or you’d feel more comfortable having the Forestry Society come out and look at that dead limb on the cottonwood back there.” He snapped his gum.
As they stepped into the back kitchen door toward the area where I was sitting at the table…it all came down. The inspector began running the dishwasher and disposal, flicking on and off lights, testing stove burners and THEN he came to the refrigerator…a red flashlight popped out of the holster with one hand as the surgical face mask swooped up with his other hand and snapped into position over his nose. “I think we’ve got us a code 19 here. Now wait… quiet…let me just check this out to make sure before I jump the gun…no it’s a 19ER! A 19ER!” A walkie-talkie jutted out of the flack vest…“VERN, come in VERN, this is G-MAN 7, Over…”
“G-man 7, This is Vern. What’s yer’ 20?”
WE were starting to panic. My buyer was obviously spooked now, “What? Is it mold? Is it black mold? Should we leave?..”
Inspector G-man 7 gently but firmly motioned toward the door with his talkie and flashlight, “It’s for your own good, just go outside and await further instructions.”
I had had enough…“WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?”
“Mam…you are a non-entity to me. However, in the interest of kindness and humanity, I will tell you that I believe this perishable sustenance container is contraband because of a tampered serial number and may have been placed here by an enemy of our Mother Country…”
“The refrigerator?” I asked.
“Yes, if you must use laymen’s terms…the refrigerator. This serial number has been altered with what appears to be a .5mm Sharpie of the early 90’s vintage.”
“SO?” I knew I was pushing him over the edge, but I didn’t see how an altered serial number had anything to do with national security."
"OHHHHH YEAH. You SMUG real estate agents have all the answers don’t you? WELL YOU JUST LISTEN HERE MISSY…In a MOMENT, this place will be SWARMING with FBI, AFT, and ALL OF THE IMPORTANT Governmental initials I can think of. VERN is gonna blow the lid right off of this here farce you call a home sale deal. This house is sliding down a hill that is sliding down a neighborhood that is melting off the PLANET and you and the listing agent are trying to cover it all up with a little stroke of your Sharpie pen…WELL I WON’T BE PART OF IT!!!
Suddenly, I heard helicopters and what sounded like voices echoing through bull horns. Through the front window I could see the SWAT team surrounding the house. Agents in Hazmat suits rolled through the kitchen and covered the fridge in an aluminum looking bubble wrapper and wheeled it out on a dollie. I was told I’d be contacted later by the authorities should they need more information.
My buyer decided to wait on buying a home right now. He said, “There’s just too much that could go wrong…I just don’t think I’m ready for this.”
Who are the super sleuths, yielding their fiery gizmos and gadgets untold? The sheer depth of their wealth of knowledge often wasting away, dormant and untapped? A veritable fount of wisdom and knowledge which speaks narrowly a fraction of its luminosity to its vast black subject. Engulfing daily, deeper into the cavernous beast of the residential resale home. They are the unspoken heroes of the cornerstone of our society. The heroes who dare to delve into the deepest, darkest crawl spaces of humanity…the inner workings of the abodeous beast. They are Certified Home Inspectors.

Very funny Lania.Straight from the bug exterminator neighbor of Hanks on King of the Hill.Assuming this is Lania as you forgot to sign your name.
Do me a favor and post it on my forum over at Active Rain.

Thats very funny…ROFLMAO

Roflmao…what? am I behind the times on computor lingo now?

Ok I reposted it to my forum.Thanks

Hmmm, sounds like a few people I know!

Priceless article!:smiley:

Sounds VERY familiar! Thanks Lania!

I wonder what kind of car …

It is obvious that Lania does not deal with rejection very well.:smiley:

Sounds like someone has had a “deal killed” once or twice and is now having night mares.:mrgreen:

People who write this stuff, though funny and in jest, should actually take a look at all the media news stories of “bad” home inspectors that are missing huge issues and the poor clients are left with crushed dreams. As inspectors we cant win,… to the client and news media we are not thorough enough, in regards to their agents we are too thorough. Like this story started out,… “BUCKLE YOUR SEAT BELTS” only because of all the media hype of Bad Inspectors, or Inspections gone wrong, the inspection industry is going to get more intense, with new tools (IR camera’s for example) to detect and find more issues. I guess the pendulum is finally swinging to the opposite side of the industry and now crushing Agent dreams today. Ahhhhhh the days of “Buyer Beware” where you could sell a property on cosmetics alone or my favorite, “Location, Location, Location”… Well, today it is “Seller Beware” and its pissing off alot of their agents,… obviously.

But thanks for the story. Truly a funny spin on a job I actually take very seriously. If you cant laugh at yourself, who can you laugh at,… Don’t know who said that but its true. :smiley:

Good points, Peter.

The used house salesman is in an enviable position, when it comes to criticizing home inspectors.

While Lania’s story was meant to be offensive, it served more as a spotlight on her own bias, which she denies.

In my state, the association representing the sellers of used houses like Lania tried to push through a law that would allow them to conceal the immediate presence of a convicted sex offender to someone considering the purchase of a house next door to one.

HB 324 would have given “immunity” to any real estate salesperson who failed to inform a buyer of their knowledge of a convicted rapist living in the adjoining unit to the duplex they were being shown.

Getting the sale would come before the safety of the client in that case…so what the heck is wrong with a few double taps in a service box and a backdraft at the gas water heater?

Mine is not a fictional account, like Lania’s. And it’s not funny, either.

I found this article to be insulting! You have “painted” all of us with a very broad brush.

  • Is this how you see your husband?

  • Do you find him to be a bona fide idiot like the inspector who is portrayed in this “amusing article?"

I don’t think you would appreciate it if we were to go on a realtors bulletin board and with the same “broad brush” portray all realtors as “bona fide idiot’s and the enemy” as you have just done.

I feel that you owe us an apology!

Whoa! Hold the horses, I don’t see her name on the post, it might be her husband who posted this. Don’t do it again gents.

Don’t worry Frank certain members of NACHI have formed a super secret society to ferret out individuals such as Mrs De Mer,or should I say commrad De Mer.
Action must be fast and furious,so look for a full report sent to your E-Mail sometime around April 2008.

No worries Frank, it was obviously posted for a “reaction” Why else would he/ she/ or whoever they are,… deliberately post a thread on a Home Inspection Association Web Sites bulletin board that makes light, fun, or to insult our profession? Smile and move on like the rest have done so far. Let their own hatred eat them up inside.


No worries Frank, it was obviously posted for a “reaction” Why else would he/ she/ or whoever they are,… deliberately post a thread on a Home Inspection Association Web Sites bulletin board that makes light, fun, or to insult our profession? Smile and move on like the rest have done so far. **Let their own hatred eat them up inside./**quote]

You might be surprised to find that I also have a sense of humor. That being said, I have also read all of the not so funny and clearly adversarial comments posted by this Real Estate Agent on Active Rain and on the NACHI bulletin board.
Mrs. Demers can continue to attack, slander, and belittle us all she wants on her “blog” and if I choose to go there and respond that is my business. If you will look at her Active Rain blog you will see that I chose not to respond to any of her negative remarks.

**/****[FONT=Arial][FONT=Verdana][size=2]quote] **Let their own hatred eat them up inside./quote]
[/FONT]I must agree with you on this she seems to have a pent-up anger/hatred towards NACHI home inspectors. Her negative attitude is surprising considering that she is married to a NACHI home inspector.

Given her recent history, I resent the fact that she has chosen to come to the NACHI bulletin board and continue her little campaign. She has criticized NACHI home inspectors for not being “professional” on her blog and yet she comes into our own backyard and insults us with this “humorous” article.

To me, a Real Estate Agent coming onto a home inspector’s bulletin board and given us a backhanded insult is not a professional in any way shape or form!

An insult is an insult, no matter how you “sugar coat it.”

So I say to you Mrs. Demers …………. “why don’t you leave well enough alone, stop trying to provoke our NACHI members, especially those who have not entered into any type of adversarial discussions with you” and stay off of our bulletin board.

Just curious. On the website for your business (what ever business your in, inspecting or selling real estate):

It recommends your clients when hiring a home inspector to: “Ask if she/he is a member of the American Society of Home Inspectors (ASHI). The ASHI has established standards of practice which include the specific services, limitations and exclusions that can be expected from private home inspectors.”

But for the life of me, I cant find your name on the ASHI find an inspector?? there’s 26 inspectors in the Colorado Springs Vicinity, but your not listed as one. Soooo either you have a self hatred for yourself and your NACHI affiliation, or … wait… Are you posing as a home inspector?? :blush: :|__) You wanna be inspector YOU, you should have told us!! We would have let you in the club. :mrgreen:
But thanks for the ASHI plug,… I’m a member there too. :wink:

P.S. I’ll post your comment about “Certified Home Inspectors” on the ASHI Board, for ya… Im sure they will get a laugh out of it too.

Good work Peter!

I hate to do it buy I have to agree with Frank and Jim, her “funny” is nothing but baiting

I smell the arrogance and condescending attitude of a know it all
Realtor in Inspector clothing.

If you visit their website [FONT=Verdana]…#anchor5467409 All of the past antagonistic and adversarial comments towards NACHI become a little more clearer when you see the absence of anything pertaining to NACHI and the only endorsement for a home inspector is for ASHI! [/FONT]

*]There seems to be a hidden agenda here! Infiltrate, provoke, and then justify?