Bush's resignation speech

This is from a email I recived today.

The following ‘speech’ was written recently by an ordinary Maine-iac [a resident of the People’s Republic of Maine ]. While satirical in nature, all satire must have a basis in fact to be effective. This is an excellent piece by a person who does not write for a living.

The speech George W. Bush might give:***

Normally, I start these things out by saying ‘My Fellow Americans.’ Not doing it this time.*** If the polls are any indication, I don’t know who more than half of you are anymore.****** I do know something terrible has happened, and that you’re really not fellow Americans any longer.***
I’ll cut right to the chase here: I quit. Now before anyone gets all in a lather about me quitting to avoid impeachment, or to avoid prosecution or something, let me assure you: There’s been no breaking of laws or impeachable offenses in this office.

The reason I’m quitting is simple. I’m fed up with you people.*** I’m fed up because you have no understanding of what’s really going on in the world. Or of what’s going on in this once-great nation of ours. And the majority of you are too damned lazy to do your homework and figure it out.***
Let’s start local. You’ve been sold a bill of goods by politicians and the news media.

***Meanwhile, all you can do is whine about gas prices, and most of you are too damn stupid to realize that gas prices are high because there’s increased demand in other parts of the world, and because a small handful of noisy idiots are more worried about polar bears and beachfront property than your economic security.

***We face real threats in the world. Don’t give me this ‘blood for oil’ thing. If I were trading blood for oil I would’ve already seized Iraq’s oil fields and let the rest of the country go to hell. And don’t give me this ‘Bush Lied…People Died’ crap either. If I were the liar you morons take me for, I could’ve easily had chemical weapons planted in Iraq so they could be ‘discovered.’ Instead, I owned up to the fact that the intelligence was faulty.

***Let me remind you that the rest of the world thought Saddam had the goods, same as me. ******Let me also remind you that regime change in Iraq was official US policy before I came into office. Some guy named ’ Clinton ’ established that policy. Bet you didn’t know that, did you?
Now some of you morons want to be led by a junior senator with no understanding of foreign policy or economics, and this nitwit says we should attack Pakistan , a nuclear ally. And then he wants to go to Iran and make peace with a terrorist who says he’s going to destroy us.
While he’s doing that, he wants to give Iraq to al Qaeda, Afghanistan to the Taliban, Israel to the Palestinians, and your money to the IRS so the government can give welfare to illegal aliens, who he will make into citizens, so they can vote to re-elect him. He also thinks it’s okay for Iran to have nuclear weapons, and we should stop our foreign aid to Israel. Did you sleep through high school?

***You idiots need to understand that we face a unique enemy. Back during the cold war, there were two major competing political and economic models squaring off. We won that war, but we did so because fundamentally, the Communists wanted to survive, just as we do. We were simply able to out spend and out-tech them.

***That’s not the case this time. The soldiers of our new enemy don’t care if they survive. In fact, they want to die. That’d be fine, as long as they weren’t also committed to taking as many of you with them as they can. But they are. They want to kill you, and the bastards are all over the globe.

******You should be grateful that they haven’t gotten any more of us here in the United States since September 11. But you’re not. That’s because you’ve got no idea how hard a small number of intelligence, military, law enforcement, and homeland security people have worked to make sure of that. When this whole mess started, ***I warned you that this would be a long and difficult fight. I’m disappointed how many of you people think a long and difficult fight amounts to a single season of 'Survivor.'

Instead, you’ve grown impatient. You’re incapable of seeing things through the long lens of history, the way our enemies do. You think that wars should last a few months, a few years, tops.***

******Making matters worse, you actively support those who help the enemy. Every time you buy the New York Times, every time you send a donation to a cut-and-run Democrat’s political campaign, well, dang it, you might just as well FedEx a grenade launcher to a Jihadist. It amounts to the same thing.

In this day and age, it’s easy enough to find the truth. It’s all over the Internet. It just isn’t on the pages of the New York Times, USA Today, or on NBC News. But even if it were, I doubt you’d be any smarter. ******Most of you would rather watch American Idol or Dancing with Stars.

******I could say more about your expectations that the government will always be there to bail you out, ***even if you’re too stupid to leave a city that’s below sea level and has a hurricane approaching.

I could say more about your insane belief that government, not your own wallet, is where the money comes from.*** But I’ve come to the conclusion that were I to do so, it would sail right over your heads.******

***So I quit. I’m going back to Crawford. I’ve got an energy-efficient house down there (Al Gore could only dream) and the capability to be fully self-sufficient for years. No one ever heard of Crawford before I got elected, and as soon as I’m done here pretty much no one will ever hear of it again. Maybe I’ll be lucky enough to die of old age before the last pillars of America fall.

***Oh, and by the way, Cheney’s quitting too. That means Pelosi is your new President. You asked for it. ******Watch what she does carefully, because I still have a glimmer of hope that there are just enough of you remaining who are smart enough to turn this thing around in 2008.

******So that’s it. God bless what’s left of America.

Some of you know what I mean. The rest of you, kiss****** off.

***PS - You might want to start learning Farsi, and buy a Koran

Better yet!

Resignation letter from the McCain Palin Campaign


by John McCain and Sarah Palin
October 13, 2008

My Friends,

[FONT=verdana,geneva][size=2]Over the past few days I have come to realize that my campaign for President has devolved into a national disgrace. The negative campaign tactics I have unleashed are dangerously dividing our country while fueling religious and racial hatred along socio-economic lines. In my ruthless attempt to win the Presidency at any cost I have abandoned any principles of decency I once had and am now only a shadow of my former self to everyone who knows me or thought they knew me, or once respected me. Also I have come to realize that my unfair and disgustingly false attacks on Senator Obama’s character, which were thinly disguised attempts to link him and his wife Michelle to Muslim terrorists, have been the last thing anyone who claims to be putting “Country First” would do. And worse, I may have even placed him and his family in danger from the radical and dangerous extremists who now inhabit and infect the base of my party - a group I once denounced but decided I needed to vigorously cultivate by turning myself into a “flip-flopper” in order to win this election. I encourage my fellow Senators to file ethics charges against me for having done something so disgraceful like this.

Basically the energized base of the Republican party - a bunch of religious extremists - only care about preventing abortion even in cases of rape or incest. My friends, they are even against stem cell research to cure diseases! The bumpersticker of my base reads: God, Guns, and Guts! These people will mindlessly chant: USA!! USA!! USA!! at my rallies versus even attempting to understand the many serious issues facing our country in these troubling times. In other words the base of the GOP that I need to get myself elected President consists of too many mindless nitwits and/or dangerous religious extremists and racists. That’s why I thought I could stoke their fear and anger against Senator Obama to try and win this election. It was a grave mistake and a very bad gamble on my part. My friends, the country has turned against this kind of politics and my polling numbers have plummeted. I realize I no longer have any chance of winning this election. Also I can no longer associate myself with “extremists” and fringe people like this and those who rally these kinds of nasty and ignorant people to support my campaign. Wealthy people like Cindy and myself would never have anything to do with people like this if I weren’t running for office. We really detest these clueless ignorant crackpots and most everything they stand for.

As an example of what I have unleashed: At recent rallies, supporters of mine have yelled out: “Treason!”, “Terrorist!”, “Kill him!”, “Bomb Obama!”, and “Off with his head!” against Sen. Obama. I have also heard these unhinged people yell out racial epithets. And now I regret not taking any stand against these kinds of outbursts at the moment they were uttered. My friends, I can no longer be a party to inciting my supporters to acts of vigilantism against Sen. Obama in order to try and win an election. With our racially motivated slurs against Sen. Obama, Sarah and I helped to stoke these monsters and now we must do everything we can to distance ourselves from them in an attempt to tamp down their anger and rage. That is why I am suspending my campaign for good. YES, WE CAN’T!

My friends, I have made many other mistakes in this campaign as well. The media, whom I have falsely and repeatedly accused of liberal bias to incite my base, correctly reported I wanted to pick my dear friend, Sen. Joe Lieberman, as my running mate. Senator Lieberman and I both share the same imperialistic neocon views about using our military FIRST anywhere in the world to protect Israel’s interests regardless of what it does to our own country when we act this way unilaterally based upon lies and fear. But I realized that Sen. Lieberman’s views on abortion would have cost me the base of my party and without that base I could not win. So instead of doing the right thing and picking a well-respected and highly qualified person as my Vice President even if not Sen. Lieberman, I chose Sarah Palin. I therefore did not put “Country First”. I picked Sarah Palin because I hoped to steal some votes from disaffected women supporters of Hillary Clinton. I should have known better. Clinton supporters and most women have nothing in common with someone like Sarah Palin or her views. I also picked Sarah Palin because I was impulsive and thought I needed to do something dramatic to energize my stale campaign. I knew my base was naive and gullible enough to fall for Sarah Palin and they did! To be fair, Sarah Palin only did what she was told. The campaign knew we couldn’t allow her or any of her family to speak to the media unscripted. We were quite fortunate the media never demanded much from Sarah Palin nor her family. Instead they quickly found a way to turn the Palins into “C-grade celebrities” to boost their ratings. This helped our campaign for a short time. But even that effort failed once Sarah’s lack of curiosity and knowledge of issues was exposed. Now she and her family are of little use to this campaign.

So now it’s time for the Palins to head home to Alaska. Sarah needs to spend her time taking care of her Down’s baby instead of using him as our campaign’s right-to-life prop. Her younger children and teenage daughter also need to be back in school where they have belonged for over a month. Sarah needs to make sure her unwed teenage daughter Bristol receives better sex education counseling. The family needs to make sure both older children get immediate drug counseling including their eldest son, Track who’s in Iraq because he couldn’t get into college. The Palin family have many serious family issues they should be dealing with instead of spending their time running for office. Sarah will have all she can handle in Alaska to avoid being impeached for serious violations of state ethics laws. Obviously my campaign didn’t vet Sarah Palin very well and this is yet another serious mistake my campaign has made. So the Palin family will be heading back to Alaska soon and I wish them well. You will just have to find another redneck dysfunctional family to satisfy your own weird entertainment needs.

During my campaign I also thought I could win with cheap sloganeering. I figured all I needed to do was repeat the label “Maverick” enough times and people would think I was a different kind of politician and candidate than George Bush. I was even foolish enough to believe I could steal Sen. Obama’s message of “Change” and use it for myself. I actually thought that despite my long career in the House and Senate while supporting Bush almost 95% of the time, Americans would be dumb enough to believe I stood for change. How crazy was that? I owe the American people my sincerest apologies.

Also during my campaign I actually thought everyone understood why I had to associate with lowlifes, misfits, racists, homophobes, misogynists, and religious zealots in order to win the election. Did anyone really think Cindy and I would ever invite a Sturgis, South Dakota motorcycle type crowd over to our Sedona estate for a BBQ? You’ve got to be kidding!

My friends, I was way too old and decrepit and in unstable health to run for President. That’s why I couldn’t release all of my medical records and had troubling remembering things on the campaign. This too reflected bad judgment on my part.

I have attempted to describe some of the more serious blunders I have made in this campaign and the reasons for them. No candidate for President can make this many disastrous mistakes in a campaign and expect to win. Why? Because it’s a reflection of one’s poor judgment. No sane American should consider me qualified nor capable of holding high office and becoming your next President. The country cannot afford to have a President who doesn’t demonstrate much better judgment than I have demonstrated during my entire life and more specifically this campaign. Nor should my reckless and careless decision-making during the campaign be rewarded by your vote for me.

So I wish to apologize to every American for what I have done to you and what I have subjected our country to during this campaign. I also wish to apologize to the Obama family for the viciousness of my attacks and lies. Cindy and I will try and reimburse all of our supporters for any monies of yours we collected and spent post convention on this misguided campaign. This is the only honorable thing to do even if we have to sell a few of our 8-11 houses and a most of our 13 cars or sell the stock in Cindy’s beer distributorship worth well over $100 million or sell the company’s plane we fly around in on Ebay . Effectively and immediately I am suspending my campaign because I realize this is THE ONLY way I can really put my COUNTRY FIRST.


John McCain
[Sarah Palin has agreed with this decision because I told her to.]


Good post.


Try agian.

Now John, did you actually read what Joe posted? …Thats what I thought!


McCain won’t really ever have to resign, you would first need to get voted in to be eligible to resign and by the look of things that just ain’t in the cards. :smiley:


McCain is no hero and does not deserve to be his party’s nominee. He is receiving none of the traditional partisan support for his campaign and, had things worked differently and he were actually elected president, he would have no support in the Congress as well.

We are better off without him. 19 more days…and we will never hear of him, again.

If McCain is no hero, you’re no patriot.:sad:

Get over yourself. You willing voted for someone in direct opposition to your convictions. Sorry, James, the truth hurts sometimes.

I would like to know how McCain is a “hero” …

Do you know anything about him or do you just read James’ silly take on him.

I voted for the lesser of the two evils that were presented to me.

McCain is not a hero.

He has served in a Congress where, over his 26 tenure, the benefits to America’s veterans had dwindled to such a degree that it actually became more dangerous to be a patient in a VA hospital than to be wounded in battle. When he dies, I will piss…then I will dance…on his grave.

His Dad and GrandDad were high ranking Navy Officers who had successful careers. He played “Top Gun” and crashed a few planes, managing to get himself captured. When the cameras turned on him and the Viet Namese offered to send him home in honor of his Father’s (not his) service, McCain saw an opportunity for a political career…and turned them down.

He went into congress and dumped his wife for a richer, prettier one…then cheated on her with a lobbiest.

He was “friendly” enough with the crooks associated with the Savings & Loan scandal of the 80’s to be censured by his peers for his “poor judgment”.

He is not an honorable man…not an honorable veteran…and unworthy of his office. The voters will validate this in 19 more days.

When you can explain to me how showering more money on the ill run VA system we can talk.

I fully support veterans as they deserve our respect, admiration and thanks for defending this country. Let’s get it right.


Mike…over the last 26 years (which have included the 8 year Reagan Administration, the 4 year Bush I Administration, and the 8 Year Bush II Administration)…who has been the Party in power (with McCain) overseeing how the VA was run? Who was there to oppose any of this so-called “hero’s” attempt to improve the conditions for his fellow vets?

What is heroic about languishing in a North Vietnamese prison camp after crashing his plane for a 3rd time? Is it the whole doing the right thing by letting worse-off prisoners gain release before him? Or is it because the valuable PR it affords him in this disgrace of a campaign? What am I missing that makes him a cut above all of the other brave men he fought alongside?

Same as always James the government bureaucrats.

Do you really want these guys running our healthcare system? I don’t.

McCain has had…and has squandered…twenty-six years of opportunity to make the “changes” he now offers in exchange for votes. As he crashes and burns for the fourth time in another failed mission…I feel no sense of loss.

He’s no hero, Mike.

And you hold him personally responsible for your pet peeve not receiving the funding you think it deserved but want to ignore the everyone else that was was party to it’s funding.

It’s a vain attempt to justify your vote IMHO and I find that most sad.:frowning:


This did not drive my vote. This is my response to your position that this loser is some kind of American “hero”.

I voted the way I did because…as a Republican…my party failed to provide me with a Republican candidate. Instead, they gave me John Kerry’s first choice for VP in his 2004 campaign…and Joe Lieberman’s closest friend in the Senate.

Whatever makes your world spin James. :roll: