Originally Posted By: Phillip R. Hinman
This post was automatically imported from our archived forum.
TEN PERCENT CLUB
MEMBERSHIP CHARTER, RULES AND REGULATIONS*
WHEREAS, a bunch of fat guys want to lose some adipose tissue; and
WHEREAS, each observed a decrease in their available fitting attire as their respective spare tires increase; and
WHEREAS, each desires to lose weight before his birthday suit has an unseemly separation; and
WHEREAS, even lazy fat bastards are competitive;
NOW THEREFORE, upon weighty consideration of mutual corpulence,
THE TEN PERCENT (10%) CLUB
Is Hereby established pursuant and according to the following rules and regulations, which shall
constitute the by-laws of said club:
1. It is the intention of each slob to lose at least 10% of his gross body weight by June 30, 2004.
2. Upon the execution of the accompanying Agreement, each fat pig will each deposit the sum of One Hundred Dollars ($100.00) in an interest-bearing account at _______________________________. The check should be written and sent to club founder, because this club has no real legal identity.
3. The money in the account, including accrued interest, will be disbursed as follows after July 1, 2004:
a. If a member does not lose 10% of his gross body weight by June 30, 2004, or does not report a final weight by June 7, 2004, he will forfeit his membership share of $100 to the account, and will be teased and lampooned mercilessly, including being held out to the public as a weak-willed object of scorn and pity, and
b. 10% of the entire account (gross) as of June 30, 2004 will be donated to a charity selected by the then not-so-fat slob who loses the most weight IN POUNDS; and then
c. The remainder of the account will be distributed to the svelte members on a pro-rata basis.
4. Self weight reporting shall follow the following format:
a. An initial weigh in shall accompany your share and must be taken no earlier than January 1, 2004;
b. All membership shares must be received by January 15, 2004;
c. Weigh ins should be reported weekly, if possible, to
d. There is no confidentiality. Teasing, insults, and challenges are permitted, and encouraged, via email, or in person. Buying beers and desserts for fellow club members is also permitted. All related rules of gentlemanly behavior are waived, except the HONESTY RULE, which is printed on the sign up sheet;
e. All weigh ins shall take place on the scale of each fat bastard?s individual choice, but on the same scale each week. The weigh in must be conducted under the exact same circumstances each week. For example, immediate rising out of bed, post-urination, naked weigh in on each Monday morning, is a good idea; and
f. Voluntary amputations and elective surgeries resulting the removal of major bodily systems or organs are grounds for immediate disqualification. Involuntary amputations and illnesses are not cause for disqualification. A member?s loss is his gain. Sort of.
5. If the other members think that some pig has violated the Honesty Rule, they have the option of demanding a personal weigh in, at which the suspect has to show up in his boxers, or naked, with his designated scale. If the challenging members bring their scales, and if the fat turd?s weight as taken on his scale differs by more than 5 pounds from their scale, the turd shall be deemed to have violated the HONESTY RULE, and shall forever be known as a LYING FAT BASTARD. If a challenge is defeated, the challenger owes the challengee one pitcher of beer after the weigh out date of June 30, 2004.
I, __________________________, hereby certify that I will be honest and fair on my weigh ins and will not cheat, because only fat slobs who eat with their fingers and fail to wash after wiping would even think of doing such a thing. I recognize that, as a member of the TEN PERCENT CLUB, I am taking an oath and making a promise to my friends and fellow members, and that cheating forfeits all my money contributed as a share, plus interest.
I am using the following scale (describe your scale)
My weight as of January 1, 2004 or later is _______________ pounds.
I am disgusted with myself. I recognize that the Ten Percent Club is a lark and a mutual motivation club, and as such I indemnify and hold harmless all members and the ?club?, individually and collectively, from any and all harm and claims, including defamation, slander, liable, and any other insult that being called names relating to fatness and fat people might cause. I promise to try not to be a dick, and I won?t sue anybody or start fistfights. I promise not to deliberately use my knowledge of a fellow member?s fatness to damage his career, or move in on his wife, mistress or girlfriend.
My address is __________________________________________________________________.
My email is _______________________________________________________